Rise and rise until lambs become lions.

Why is it so hard to find a decent job?  I’ve applied to a few jobs in my field but I had no luck.  Even with a degree, I am jobless and can’t seem to even find a decent job.  It makes me question why I even went to school.  This was what I was afraid of.  This is the reality of being done with school.  Here I am, a graduate, who is jobless and who is completely clueless of what to do next.  I have resorted to applying for jobs that I would not even imagine myself doing.  I applied to Kohl’s, U-Haul, Milio’s Sandwiches, a painting company, and even as a delivery driver.  I guess something is better than nothing?    

Since I haven’t been working much at my other job, I haven’t been doing much. Yesterday my friend who works at U-Haul offered me a side job for today.  Earlier today, I helped my friend move things from a U-Haul truck into two storage units.  I have never sweated so much in my life.  My shirt was literally drenched in my own sweat.  The lady who we were working for said it would only take 2 hours but it took 6 hours and we didn’t even finish.  Long story short, it was minimum pay but I guess you can say I was kind of desperate…like I said something is better than nothing.  The lady was moving to Atlanta but the content of what was in the U-Haul truck didn’t indicate this.  I have never seen so much stuff/garbage?  I would say that 80% of the content in the truck was unnecessary and shouldn’t even be kept.  I’m not saying this to be mean but most of the stuff I would have thrown away a long time ago.  There was just so much junk, but I guess this is not for my to decide so I just proceeded with what I was being paid to do.  The moral of today’s lesson is I need to find a job ASAP…You know how what they say, you shouldn’t settle for less but I guess I will have to since I’m sure I will find a decent job that will actually pay me more than previous my jobs.   

I finished writing my speech, now I just have to practice like crazy before tomorrow. I’m so nervous….

Nyob zoo ib tsoom niam txiv kwv tij neej tsa txhua tus nrog rau cov zoo phooj ywg, kuv thov ua nej sawv daws tsaug uas nej sawv daws tseem tau tso nej tej dej num tseem ceeb tseg es siv nej lub sij hawm muaj nuj nqis tuaj koom peb lub koom txoos hnub no thiab.  

Txuas ntxiv tom ntej no, kuv xav hais ob peb lo lus tshwj xeeb rau kuv niam thiab kuv txiv.  Niam thiab txiv, kuv xav qhia rau neb tias txij thaum kuv me los txog rau niaj hnub no, neb tau siv neb lub dag lub zog thiab neb txoj kev peev xwm tu kuv loj hlob, qhia kuv qhov phem thiab zoo, qhia kom kuv ua neeg zoo thiab muab txoj kev hlub rau kuv.  Neb tau siv nyiaj siv txiaj thiab txhawb kuv lub zog kuv thiaj li kawm ntawv tiav.  Ua tsaug rau neb txoj kev txhawb nqa rau kuv txoj kev kawm ntawv, tsis muaj ib yam dab tsi uas yuav pauv tau.  Kuv yuav nco ntsoov neb tus txiaj ntsig, tsis tag tsis kawg. 

Ntxiv mus, kuv xav ua tsaug rau cov zoo phooj ywg nrog rau kuv ob tug muam thiab ob tug yawm yij.  Ua tsaug rau cov zoo phooj ywg uas tau pab kuv thiab nrog kuv saib ntawv ua ke, lub sij hawm kuv qaug zog lawm los neej yog cov muab kev txhawb siab rau kuv, qhov twg kuv ho tsis paub los nej yeej pab qhia kuv, hos qhov twg nej tsis paub los kuv ho qhia nej.  Yog vim muaj nej txhawb kuv lub dag lub zog ua ntu zus los kuv thiaj li kawm tiav.  Cov zoo phooj ywg uas tuaj koom tau hnub no, kuv zoo kawg li.  Ntxiv mus, kuv xav ua tsaug rau kuv ob tug yawm yij, Txooj Tub Lis thiab Yij Leej Thoj nrog rau kuv ob tug muam, Qhua thiab Hnub.  Thaum kuv mus kawm ntawv rau Auvtaslias, kuv ob tug muam thiab ob tug yawm yij tseem tau pab nyiaj pab txiaj rau kuv thiab.  Kuv zoo siab heev uas yij Txooj Tub thiab Qhua neb tseem ua lub koom txoos no rau kuv thiab.  Kuv yuav nco neb ob tug hlob lub txiaj ntsim mus tag kuv sim neej, yuav tsis muaj ib hnub kuv yuav hnov qab txog nej cov hlob li.  Kuv ntseeg tau tias tsis muaj hnub kuv yuav pauj tau nej sawv daws cov txiaj ntsig li, tab sis kuv yuav ua ib tus nus/tus dag laug kom zoo li zoo tau rau nej los ntawm kuv lub peev xwm.     

Ntxiv no mus, kuv yuav qhia me ntsis txog kuv txoj kev kawm ntawv tiav rau nej sawv daws.

Kuv kawm tiav kuv daim Bachelors degree los hauv lub tsev kawm ntawv qib siab UW-Madison.  Kuv qhov degree yog Biological Aspects of Conservation.  Kuv kuj kawm tau ob daim certificates (ntawv pov thawj).  Kuv kawm tau certificates hauv Asian American thiab Environmental studies.  Tom ntej no, kuv lub hom phiaj yog mus qhia ntawv nyob rau hauv Kaus Lim (Korea) teb ib xyoos.  Tom qab kuv qhia ntawv tag lawm, kuv yuav npaj siab mus ncig teb chaws ua ntej mam li los so thiab pib lub neej, muaj cuab muaj yig rau lub neej pem suab.  Kuv ntseeg tau tias peb ua neeg ib zaug xwb, txoj kev zoo, kev lom zem, nrog rau kev loj hlob ntawm ib tug tib neeg lub laj lim tswv yim yog los ntawm kev pom lub ntuj thiab tib neeg txoj kev ua neej, yus thiaj li paub los tsim kho yus lub

Thaum kawg no, kuv thov ua tsaug rau cov kwv tij Hmoob Lis, tsis hais tus hlob tus yau, tus laus los yog tus hluas, uas nej sawv dawv tseem sib koom tes los ua lub koom txoos txhawb siab no rau peb cov me nyuam.  Yeeb vim yog muaj nej kev koom tes lub koom txoos txhawb siab no thiaj tshwm sim.  Yog li no, ua nej sawv daws tsaug.  Cov uas pab nyiaj pab txiaj los kuj muaj, cov uas pab lub dag lub zog los kuj muaj, hos cov ho pab lub tswv yim zoo los kuj muaj.  Kuv vam thiab cia siab hais tias yav tom ntej tsev neeg Hmoob Lis yuav ua tau zoo tshaj ntawm no ntxiv thiab.  Cov uas nyob kev deb tuaj koom hnub no los kom mus txog vaj txog tsev kom hmab tsis dawm hlua dawm taw.  Ua tsaug ntau!

There’s a lot on my mind lately. I don’t even know where to begin. Perhaps I’m thinking way too much. There is a lot of uncertainty and things I want to resolve before anything else. I’m not even sure what I should do next anymore…I guess you can say I’m feeling lost at the moment. Sometimes I’m still confuse about who I am. There’s so many words left unspoken that I want to tell my family but where do I even begin? Should I even tell? The fact that I can’t tell or have any confidence to tell makes it so much harder to the point where I feel like it is becoming a burden. Why is it so hard? What am I to do…?